Hey James! So recently a gay magazine in the UK has added K for kink to the acronym that is LGBTQIA+. There has been a lot of backlash. I would love to hear your thoughts on this, if you have any. Also, please forgive my spelling and grammar, I tried, but I’m dyslexic. So no promises. -ek


Hi ek!

Well clearly it’s a bad idea.

LGBTQIA doesn’t need another consonant, it needs more vowels to make some kind of pronounceable word.

You really think gay press would be more media savvy. You can’t just keep adding letters, unless you make it A WORD.

With the current set the best I could come up with was:

BLATQIG or GLIBTAQ – they don’t really roll of the tongue though.

Hmm, I don’t think it’s going to catch on.

But I think we have a solution!

You see if we add an ‘O’ for Others, which really is even more inclusive so it must be good right, we are able to get:

BIGOTLAQ which is almost a real word but actual really pertinent (bigot lack, get it?) (yes I am a genuis, you saw it here first)

This could be big guys, I think we’re on the verge of something great. But I’m open to other suggestions of ways to improve it in the notes, although none will be as good as this one, I’m telling you now.

Just in case I misunderstood the debate and the OP was asking about whether Kink should be included in the same category as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex and asexual or ‘allied’ then nope, it’s a stupid idea. Kink is a completely different class of category, that can apply to all or none of the above, and needs to be pushed as something everyone can explore, not suddenly turned into an exclusive definition. 

So there you have it,

BIGOTLAQ – you saw it here first!



BIGOTLAQ™ is now a (nearly) registered trademark of James and if you use it you are going to be hunted down by a cat with a golden gun).


Me: @god why don’t I have a boyfriend
God: I sent you one but u ain’t like his eyebrows

That’s some profound shit.
Also, notes are great…


Hi, James! Could you please tell me what is the difference between a hard edge and a soft edge, and perhaps suggestions on how best to achieve each one?



I just wrote some instructions for a soft edge a few posts ago, so scroll down. But a soft edge is when you masturbate but gently, so you never get to the point where you can cum. 

While it’s not as pleasurable in the moment, many find it actually builds up your horniness pretty fast over time anyway.

They are very useful for those who don’t have the control to stop right at the edge of orgasm.

For some, humping will only ever give you a soft edge (unless you have a really good technique).

A hard edge is where you get right up to the edge of cumming and go as far as you possibly can, until you’re really losing it. It’s much more risky as until you learn to control it you’ll tend to either give in, or go over by accident (and hopefully ruin it), but they really are a hot mind fuck and what most aim for when they are edging.

The best ‘hard edges’ are where you learn to get just to the point of climax and ‘ride the edge’ where you either can keep yourself on it, or ‘bounce’ up and down to it in terms of pleasure. Often takes practise, and definitely self control to do that though. 

Maybe followers can share their tips and experiences of the two…

Riding the edge is the best. I’ve done it multiple times when i’m really close to cumming but don’t want to stop touching. My tips for achieving it:

1. Control your breathing , slow your breathing down a lot. Make it slow and deep and full, not short and gasping.  A lot of arousal actually seems to be connected to breathing. If you take deliberate breaths you trick your mind into calming down and lessening your arousal.

2. Slow down. stop rocking your hips if you are, slow your hand/toy etc. Make slower, lighter movements movements and you’ll calm down a bit. Also change your movements a lot. if your were rubbing in circles, move to up and down for a while, then side to side once you get close to the edge using those movements, then begin the cycle again. Circle, up and down, side to side, repeat for as long as you can/want to keep riding the edge.

Such good tips here (also read the other notes). But I can’t overstate how important breathing control is to edging. If you hold your breath  you’re going to go over the edge. Just notice how much you do it without noticing. Keep the breaths steady and relaxed and each one releases some of the arousal, as the note says. Let out the tension, let out the arousal, and you can work to make even more between your legs!


First a caveat, I’m new at bring a dom, so forgive me if this is a boner question. I have a lovely sub, we are really clicking and she is so good. But she is a tough woman, an alpha, she doesnt do girly shit and she can even bench more than I can in the gym! (we met there). I am devoted to her but need to know if this kind of woman will work out as a sub? And again apologies if this is a dum question thank in advance.



It’s not a boner question, it’s a very good question, actually. If your Tumblr dash is to be  believed, all submissives are demure and Geisha-like and ethereal, able to glide to their knees with effortless ease and strut a pair of fuck-me pumps like a runway model. 

It’s all a crock of shit. 

I know submissives who jump out of planes into fire, run through the woods in the middle of the night for a hundred miles, jump out of perfectly good airplanes for fun every weekend. Who are doctors and lawyers and psychologists and EMS personnel and trauma unit nurses. Who are tomboys, game nerds, Sci Fi geeks, Potter Heads, Whovians, Brownshirts, LoTR afficianados,  able to spew out enormous tracts of Monty Python dialogue without getting a single word wrong. Who can crush me in the squat rack, cave in my solar plexus in a sparring bout, and drink my hard-drinking Irish ass under the table without even getting tipsy.

But when that special One to whom they have given the gift of their submission calmly says “Kneel,” they drop.

Ignore the stereotypes and just revel in the fact that it sounds like you have one of the good ones.

i haven’t fallen in love with a post this way in a long time.


Pick your FAVORITE, most FRUSTRATING and most FEARED then tag your favorite denial blogs








1. Edging
2. Holding/“Riding” an edge
3. No-Touch
4. Ruined orgasm
5. Forced Orgasms/Post-Orgasm Torture
6. Stimulation but not allowed to edge
7. Hands-free/Grinding-only edges
8. Anal stimulation only
9. Vaginal/shaft stimulation only (if clitoral/head stimulation is needed)
10. Something else

Favorite: 1
Frustrating: 4
Feared: 5

@hispumpkinspice @itsnotstrangeatall @femsubdenial @female-orgasm-denial @tease-and-denial-girls @tasksforsubsandslaves @teasingfun @daddy-and-hisbabygirl-princess @eveadams01 @eternallyedged @exercisetocum

Favorite: edging frustrating: ruined orgasm feared: post-orgasm torture/ anal stimulation only

Ooh, glad this is coming around again 👍

Favorite: vaginal stimulation Frustrating: no touch Most Feared: something else cuz I’m a whore for all this stuff 😂

Favoriete: holding from cumming
Frustrating: no touch
Feared: post orgasm torture (I have never had a forced orgasm torture)

Favorite: ruined orgasm

Frustrating: Hands Free/Grinding

Feared: Vaginal only stimulation

@female-orgasm-denial @femsubdenial @say-no-to-the-o @eveadams01 @pleasuretorture @patriarchs-demand @littlemisssubshine @thelovelybrokenwhore @commissioneroftease @touchofcontrol @thatgirlmilena @teasingdenialandruinedorgasms @always-dripping @iwontbenice @iamnotyourprince

Good quiz and good lists!

Some on here I didn’t know about.